The Saturdays You Never Spent
by Beauty of Wilting
Summary: Jessie's a decent guy once you get beyond all the crap he says and all the dumb things he does. Even this is sweet, in his own totally F'ed up kind of way. -Kurt/Jessie, Jessie/Rachel-
1. Chapter 1

**The Saturdays You Never Spent**

**Title:** The Saturdays You Never Spent (Cha. 1)

**Pairing:** Jessie St. James/Kurt Hummel, Jessie St. James/Rachel Berry

**Summary:** Jessie's a decent guy once you get beyond all the crap he says and all the dumb things he does. Even this is sweet, in his own totally F'ed up kind of way.

**Rating:** T

**Warnings:** Spoilers for "Hell-O" and "The Power of Madonna"

**Word count:** 1500+

**Author's Note:** One random thought turned into something that actually should be quite the adventure. It started with Kurt being the knowledgeable one; the smart child who picks up on the little signs but no one ever listens to. This chapter was the first thing I wrote, but the direction of this forever changes.

* * *

**Chapter One**

"Rachel is still dating Jessie."

If life were a television show, the sound track of random teenagers harmonizing dramatic music would play right now. The camera would zoom in on your face (set, determined, and completely sure) then cut to the surprise on everyone else's. The unsure shifts of your companions are masked by the tampon and fast food ads that play every seven minutes. By the time the commercial ends, the pregnant girl is the focus.

"Kurt, what are you talking about?" Quinn asks.

You're pretty sure it's obvious what you're talking about. (She's blonde; she can take a little while to get it.)

"I know that walk, that peppy smile, and everything. Rachel is definitely still dating Jessie and it's going great," you report.

Finn shakes his head, adorably confused as always.

"She broke up with him. She told us that two weeks ago," he says.

"She lied," you say, "She didn't want to leave the group or the talented cute guy; it's not really hard to see where she was coming from. Or to see where she got the idea of lying to get what you want."

Blonde moment over, Quinn catches the dig. The three-second guilt look that crosses her face does little to even the score; you believe she should definitely pay after what she did to poor Finn. Then again, he was dumb enough to believe it.

"I don't believe you," Finn announces.

If you had boobs and a short skirt, he wouldn't question a single thing you said. (Shame drag just isn't in the cards.)

"Fine, don't believe me. Just sit and wait until the day you show up at Rachel's house with flowers and some heartfelt speech only to find her rolling on her bed with a guy with a lot less emotional baggage."

Finn's look is crushed, conflicted, and just a bit constipated. The camera turns to you, making sure every single audience member knows what victory looks like. And in comes the voiceover.

(Checkmate.)

_**^Jessie St. James^Kurt Hummel^Rachel Berry^**_

Warpaths make for the best music lead-ins. The determined stomping adds to the opening notes of a classic Disney song. It's very _High School Musical_, even if Jessie is singing _Tarzan_.

"_Whatever you do, I'll do it too. / Show me everything and tell me how. / It all means something and yet nothing to me. / I can see there's so much to learn. / It's all so close and yet so far. / I see myself as people see me. / I just know there's something bigger out there."_

"Excuse me," you bellow. It reverberates around the theatre in that magical way that always happens here. Principle Figgins should really think about fixing your auditorium.

"Closed room," Jessie calls from the stage.

"Wasn't so closed when Rachel came here," you retort.

"Special girlfriend privileges," he says.

"And what about me?"

"I really don't think there's any reason for you to be here," he says.

You roll your eyes and find they don't quite reach the ceiling quick enough.

"Nice place." (Sarcastic tone, though it is quite impressive.)

"Jealous?"

"A little."

"I meant of Rachel," he says.

"I didn't."

"Very short today," (Was that a height joke?) "I meant your answers, Kurt."

"Being tall is overrated," you say, "All it means is that when you slip and fall, it'll hurt more."

"Or it means that I'll always be the dominant one."

"Closer to the ground means-"

"Less time to get on your knees?"

(That would definitely be his job.)

A cool swipe of your bangs makes things better. (Not really.) You stifle a shuddering breath, and then proceed with your point.

"Jessie, you cannot continue dating Rachel," you say.

"So you are jealous?"

"I'm protecting my team. We can't have anything bad happening."

"What could I possibly do?" he asks.

"Pretty guy like you? I'm sure you can cause some problems."

"I could say the same to you."

"Only damage I'll be causing will be soiling the family name," you say.

"Been there, done that, sung a song about it," he kicks his legs off the stage, landing as gracefully as any man can, "Things get better. Keep the chin up, sport."

(Sport?) The most despicable of all pet names once again grates against your ears.

"My name is Kurt."

"Like I could forget. Between Rachel and the lovely memories, I know enough about you to write your life story."

"Well get to it then; I'd like to make the movie with enough time to still play my teenage self."

"How cute," he says.

(When did he get so close?)

You now have to raise your head to look into his eyes threateningly. The camera focuses in on the hitch of your breath and the way your Adam's apple bobs just a bit.

"Well, I said what I had to say," you say.

"I think you've got just a little bit more," he says before diving in.

It's now time for the horrible flashback to seventh grade. Once again you're the dorky kid in the macho two-sizes-too-big clothes your father insists you wear everywhere. Suzie Chellogh stares you down with her poo-colored eyes, waiting for you to draw a name out of the hat. (Whoever decided that you should pick the name of your partner out a hat, instead of spinning a bottle, should die.) The bile tickles your tongue while Amy announces just who you picked. In no time, Suzie attacks you, dragging you towards the closet for the worst seven minutes of your life.

You close your eyes tight, and there's a huge difference already. This time, the kiss is less wet, less brace-filled, and much less public. The poke of his tongue reminds you of eighth grade and that first French kiss. You'd thought you were the last person alive without a love life; and then, after a few minutes of pretending like Chemistry was the most fascinating subject in the world, you were introduced to what truly was.

Jessie's hands slide up your body until they reach your shoulders. He takes no time at all to shove you away from him.

"Rachel!" he calls.

"Rachel, I didn't mean a single--"

Your stumble becomes a swift turn yet you see absolutely nothing. Still breathless from the whirlwind apology (among other things), you look back to Jessie.

"She's not here," he says, "In the theatre at least. She 'went to the bathroom.'"

"Good God, Jessie!"

He smirks, fixing the collar of his shirt with a calm hand.

"Things get really simple from here, Kurt," Jessie begins, "I like Rachel, and you like your little glee club. You feel all responsible, so you'll leave this room in a huff, mad that I had the audacity to kiss you. You go back and tell everyone that Rachel is dating me, with proof this time. While you do that, I'll tell Rachel what just happened here."

"She'd slap you."

"Not if I tell her that you came onto me. Actually, better yet, I'll just dump her, tell her I was in it for only one thing and I figured it just wouldn't be too good with her anyway. She'll be crushed because she'll no longer be with me and then she'll go back and all of your friends will throw her out of the only thing she has left to live for. But wait, she's not with me anymore, surely she can stay, right? Wrong! Because, they don't trust her anymore. They think she's a liar. She has no one. Poor little Rachel will be nothing but a crushed, fallen star. You can't even comfort her since you were the jackass who kissed her totally straight, perfectly amazing boyfriend while she went to the bathroom to call the club and tell them her poodle has lung cancer."

(Is that even possible?)

Back at home, the audience remarks on how disgusting his personality is. All the while, silently hoping he will just sing another song to make them forget all about it.

(He is definitely _not_ Tarzan.)

"What do you want me to do?" you ask.

"I want you to do nothing. _You_ want you to take out that iPhone and delete the entire recording you took of this conversation. You wouldn't want any of this getting out," you do as he says and he asks, "Are all of you New Directions kids this easily manipulated, or is it just the pretty ones?"

You slap the drifting hand away from you.

The owner just laughs.

_**^Jessie St. James^Kurt Hummel^Rachel Berry^**_

The next time the audience sees you; you're sliding into the passenger seat of your car. Finn turns to you expectantly.

"Just drive," you tell him.

He listens like the adorably confused boy he is. As the car pulls from the lot, you wonder how much simpler life could be if it really were a television show, and some guy could just call "cut" and leave all of this drama to deal with in another week.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Thank you for reading. Please review.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Saturdays You Never Spent**

**Title:** The Saturdays You Never Spent (Cha. 2)

**Pairing:** Jessie St. James/Kurt Hummel, Jessie St. James/Rachel Berry

**Summary:** Jessie's a decent guy once you get beyond all the crap he says and all the dumb things he does. Even this is sweet, in his own totally F'ed up kind of way.

**Rating:** T

**Warnings:** Begins at the end of "The Power of Madonna" after 'Like a Prayer'.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own 'Lips of an Angel' or _GLEE_.

**Word count:** 2000+

**Author's Note:** Here is the second chapter of The Saturdays You Never Spent. It picks up at the end of "The Power of Madonna" and happens before the episode that follows. You know in _GLEE_ episodes where they have a short flash to something that only the person can see; I have one of those in this chapter. Those moments (put in purely for comedic effect) are centered. Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter Two**

Despite the singing and dancing and the happy smiles, Jessie still goes to the parking lot at 5:00. He looks around the stillness, waiting for someone to appear. Footsteps from behind him make him turn, but he doesn't find who he wants. In fact, he finds the army of rag-tag losers he now has to call his teammates. No offense.

"We don't like you," Puck announces.

"The feelings are mutual," Jessie says.

"Why are you here?" Finn asks.

"I already told you. Rachel means too much to me for me to just let her go. I'm not stupid enough to miss a chance with a girl like that," Jessie says.

"If you hurt her-"

"You will all come after me. I get it," Jessie says before opening his car door.

"No, you don't. Listen to me, Pretty Boy; Rachel is not some girl you can manipulate whenever you want. She's our friend and we're not going to sit by while you mess with her," Mercedes says.

"Don't you think I'd just stay at Carmel if I wanted to mess with her head? I came here. I joined you guys. I'm in it for the girl, not for anything else," he says, "I'm going to prove to all of you that I'm not just here to destroy you from the inside. I'm a good guy, really I am."

"Since when do you care what we think?" Quinn asks.

"Oh I don't. Only reason I'm doing this is so that Rachel will be happy, and to make her happy, all of you little brats need to be too," Jessie says.

"Calling us brats won't make us like you," Artie says.

"Didn't say I was starting today, Artie," Jessie says. He climbs into his car and shuts the door.

"Somehow, my name sounds bad when he says it," Artie comments while the car pulls away.

"Like he's mocking you just by speaking to you?" Quinn checks.

"Yep."

"Then I know what you're feeling."

Yes, because the former ruler of William McKinley High knows what it feels like to be mocked relentlessly. All she's done is get pregnant and feel a little discomfort from being dethroned. You go to school and get harassed for being yourself. She gets name-calling and Slushees; you get wedgies, dumpsters, and the penis pictures on all of your notebooks. She definitely has it so hard.

"Cheer up, guys. He may have a nice car and an intimidating presence, but he has absolutely nothing else going for him," Finn says, "How cool could he really be?"

**_^Jessie St. James^Kurt Hummel^Rachel Berry^_**

"Jessie! Jessie! Jessie!"

The group of guys cheers as they trail behind the newcomer. Jessie has been at William McKinley for five days, and he's already more popular than you. Turns out that Jessie's natural charm has managed to get everyone on his side. The jocks think he's pretty fantastic, the cheerleaders love his voice, the nerds admire his mind-control (and that's a direct quote), and even the other Glee kids are starting to fall for it.

"He gave me his pen in French class. It totally saved my life," Brittany reports.

"How did a pen save your life, Britt?" Santana asks.

"I had to pick it up off the ground and so I wasn't in my seat when the earthquake happened," Brittany says.

"We live in Ohio."

"Which is totally close to California and they had a big one right when I went to get the pen."

(Wow.)

There really isn't enough stupid in the world to match up to Brittany.

"Hey Kurt," Jessie says.

The shock on your face is almost as obvious as Finn's open-mouthed staring at Rachel. (He really needs to get over her.) You blink a few times and let it all come into focus. Hate him passionately. He plans on hurting you guys. He's using Rachel. He kissed you and then blackmailed you with it. You hate him.

Yet,

"Hello Jessie," you say. He grins.

"What's it like being a cheerleader?" Jessie asks.

Enthusiastic cheerleaders stretch all around you. In the fifteen seconds that Sue Sylvester walks away, they all begin gossiping.

"I heard he sounds like an angel when he sings," one girl shares.

"I beg to differ," you mumble.

"What? Oh, yeah, you're in Glee, aren't you? What's it like being around Jessie?" a girl asks.

"Like someone is sticking a thousand needles into my brain."

The look the girls share could only be classified with three letters: WTF.

"A lot like this moment," you say.

"So it's amazingly breathtaking and practically orgasmic?" he checks.

"I meant filled with meaningless conversations only brought on because we're stuck in the same vicinity," you bite.

"Kurt, he was only asking you a question," Rachel says.

"That's what he wants you to think, Rachel. Honestly, he's compiling more information about us to go and share with all his old pals in Vocal Adrenaline."

The grumbles of agreement behind you are reminders of the new divisions in New Directions. There are two teams now: Team 'We Can't See Beyond the Curly Hair and Amazing Voice' and Team 'Jessie Sucks' (otherwise known as Team 'Since When is Rachel Hot Enough to Convince a Guy to Give Up Everything Just for Her, Obviously Something's Up'). Rachel is obviously captain of the former.

"You're being paranoid," Rachel says.

"You're being used," you say.

"May I interject for a moment?" Jessie asks.

"No, you may not," you tell him.

"This isn't a joke. Just like I said before, I'm here because I want to be. I'm a member of New Directions Show Choir. I'm not a spy," Jessie says.

"See?" Rachel tacks on.

All you see is the grin on Jessie's face. He's almost smirking at you. He's mocking you. Laughing at you with his eyes and his little girlfriend and his stupid kisses. This will not stand. You will not stand for this. You will not let this happen to you. He cannot just come in here and become the favorite of everyone. Who does he think he is?

"Whatever," you say, "Believe what you want, Rachel, but one day, you'll wish you had listened to me."

Rachel just rolls her eyes.

"Alright, guys, it is time for the grand unveiling," Will says, drumming on the piano with his fingers, "This week's assignment wasn't a hard one. You know, just put your iPod on shuffle and do whatever song fate brings you to. I think since this is the first assignment that Jessie really gets to partake in, that he should go first. Any objections?"

The looks on your faces obviously aren't enough for Mr. Schue as he just calls Jessie up anyway.

"The song I will be singing should be easily recognizable," he says before motioning to the band. As the beginning of the song reaches your ears, you wonder if he chose the song himself just to mess with you.

"_Honey, why are you calling me, so late? It's kind of hard to talk right now. Honey, why are you crying, is everything okay? I gotta whisper, 'cause I can't be too loud. Well, my girl's in the next room, sometimes, I wish she was you. I guess we never really moved on._"

Kind of like a dream, the scene around you changes into one you know much better.

**_^Jessie St. James^Kurt Hummel^Rachel Berry^_**

Music blared through the walls straight into your ears. No matter how tight you closed your eyes, the sound would not go away. It'd been going on for twenty-eight minutes, without pause.

"Who brings a stereo to Disneyland?" you asked, "Really? It's the happiest place on Earth; why do you need to blast music? Sleep!"

"Chill, Kurt, I mean, it's not like they're blasting Brittney Spears," Roger said. There were times when you hated your middle school choir director. That moment was one of them. Why Mr. Pelazzo put you with this idiot as a bunk buddy, you will never know.

"I'm lodging a complaint. I will not stand for this."

You flung the covers off of you and slid your feet into the slippers beside you bed. After channeling the inner-strength and courage to project your frustration correctly, you stormed to the hotel room next to yours. The pounding of your fists was just loud enough to be heard over the screeching vocals of some rock band from inside. When the door opened, you doubted your sanity. Could you be dreaming a horrible sugar-induced nightmare? No, you couldn't; you were eating healthy this trip. It had to be real.

You put the name to the face and wondered where all of that strength went.

"Never thought I'd see you again," he said.

"Likewise," you said.

His roommate popped up from behind him.

"Yo, Jess-man, who's the kid?" the guy asked.

"I'm not a kid, and my name is Kurt," you said. The look of shock and amusement on the guy's face made you resent saying that. He chortled, turning with questions in his eyes and on his tongue."

"Kurt? Jess, wasn't that the name of that guy you-"

"Yup."

"Is he-"

"Right again, Lou."

The two older guys stared down at you with equal looks of hilarity. Apparently, you were fricken' hysterical.

"Just turn down the Hinder, Jessie," you barked, turning around.

"Make me," he challenged. If it were anyone else, any other person on this planet, you would have just walked away. But it wasn't. It was him. It was Jessie fricken' St. James, and you could never say no to him.

"Fine, I will."

**_^Jessie St. James^Kurt Hummel^Rachel Berry^_**

"_It's really good to hear your voice, saying my name. It sounds so sweet. Coming from the lips of an angel, hearing those words, it makes me weak. And I never wanna say goodbye, but girl you make it hard to be faithful, with the lips of an angel. And I never wanna say goodbye, but girl you make it hard to be faithful, with the lips of an angel. Honey, why are you calling me, so late?_"

The entirety of the Glee club feels the need to applaud. You do not. When your eyes meet his, something occurs to you.

(That night hurt him too.)

* * *

**Author's Note:** Thank you for reading. Please review.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Saturdays You Never Spent**

**Title:** The Saturdays You Never Spent (Cha. 3)

**Pairing:** Jessie St. James/Kurt Hummel, Jessie St. James/Rachel Berry

**Summary:** Jessie's a decent guy once you get beyond all the crap he says and all the dumb things he does. Even this is sweet, in his own totally F'ed up kind of way.

**Rating:** T

**Warnings/Spoilers:** This episode takes place during "Home" and has spoilers for it. The first part happens kind of iffy in the time frame, during the episode, before the first family dinner. The second part happens the day after the episode ends.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _GLEE_, or "Does Anybody Hear Her". I am merely writing to get all of my fan-girl-ness for these two lovely creations.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Here is the third chapter of The Saturdays You Never Spent. I apologize for how long it took me to post this chapter. I had amazing writer's block with this story and then I took a trip, so I was just so far gone it's crazy. But, I'm back with a lovely (and lengthy) chapter. So, you know in _GLEE_ episodes where they have a short flash to something that only the person can see; I have one of those in this chapter. Those moments are centered.

This chapter has a strange formatting for the song because I decided to try something completely new that made Jessie seem like less of a butt-face. Read on and you'll see. I personally like it, but that may just be because it got me to write the second half of this chapter. So, enjoy everyone.

**[songs used in this chapter]** "Does Anybody Hear Her" by Casting Crows. I did change some pronouns for the sake of this story, but it's the exact same lyrics. Listen to it because it's beautiful and it makes that part of the chapter even better if it's playing.

* * *

**Chapter Three**

Maybe Jessie's come to some sort of conclusion. He must have. Especially since everywhere you turn, he's there. When you sang earlier in the week, he was right there, watching you. Admittedly, so was the entire Glee club, but he's different. Something about him is different since the last time you two spoke.

"Jessie, you're an ass," you said.

"Strong words for a weak guy," he said.

"Of all the things you could've sung-"

"If this is about that night-"

"I don't want to talk about that-"

"We've never had the chance to-"

"And we don't need to-"

"Yes, we do. What happened was-"

"Your fault. You ruined everything. You were the biggest asshole I had ever met in my entire life, and you still are because you're bringing up things that should never be brought up again!"

"You sound jaded."

"Well, how do you think that happened? Whose fault do you think it is for that, Jessie? Whose?"

You sigh, capturing your breath and your dignity. No flashbacks will ruin this. Nothing will ruin this. No one will ruin this. You're going to have the best night tonight. A family dinner with your dad, Finn's mom, and your soon-to-be-roommate, Finn. Sure, you're being a little pushy (okay, downright invasive) but don't the ends justify the means? You'll have Finn in no time.

You unlock the stall door, and reel back when it collides with something solid. Glancing down, you know just what idiot is waiting outside your stall.

"This is creepy, even for you," you say.

"I've got an offer for you," Jessie says.

"I'm not talking to you in the bathroom," you tell him.

"You started the conversation."

"You were standing by the door while I peed."

"Think of me as a guard dog."

"Those things are always hideous."

"Then try really hard to pretend it," he says.

What's wrong with him? Does he not understand that you do not want him around? How hard is it to pick up the very obvious signals?

"You have five seconds to move," you announce. You begin to count down from five.

On five, he smirks, daring you to try it.

On four, he cocks his head to the side in a teasing way.

On three, he actually moves.

On two, you realize it was a step closer.

On one, he's in the stall with you, and you're wondering how that's even possible.

On zero, his breath is on your lips. It's a good thing you don't have to say any more numbers because you're not quite sure your brain can process counting at this point.

It's negative one now; Jessie has you backed against a filthy high school toilet. The thought of being turned on by this is enough to keep all reactions down.

The bathroom door opens, bringing with it a familiar squeaking sound. You rush to close the stall, throwing yourself on top of Jessie in the process. He seems fine with the arrangement; you cover his mouth.

"Kurt?" Finn's voice searches the room, "You in here?"

"Y-yes, just a second, Finn," you say.

"I was thinking we could talk about this whole parent dating thing. I mean, it's weird, right? Not just weird in the 'my mom's got a boyfriend' way, but in the whole 'that boyfriend's got a kid who goes to my school' way. I figure everyone usually talks through these sorts of things, right?"

Jessie rolls his eyes throughout the entire speech. It's cute in its own awkward sincerity kind of way. You smile a bit at the fact that even your thoughts resemble Finn's speech patterns. The two of you really are _that_ compatible.

When you look at Jessie, he's got this fired up look in his eyes, as if just watching the way you react to Finn pisses him off.

(Who is the jealous one now, St. James?)

Then he rolls those suckers again and lets out a yawn. With your hand over his mouth, the sound's muffled and distorted. Your eyes widen when you realize just how that could have sounded to someone out of context. Hell, it sounded like that to you and you know the context.

Now Jessie has a dangerous glint. You try to think of something quick to stop anything he has planned, but the only thing you can think of would break all of your rules. Are you really willing to do this?

"Kurt?"

Yes, yes, you are. Finn is worth it.

You release your hand. Before Jessie can even open his mouth to moan again, you cover his lips with your own. He knows what this is – a cover up, something to keep him quiet so he doesn't ruin everything for you. He uses that to his advantage. His tongue invades your space in no time, wrangling yours down like a cowboy in a rodeo.

(Huh?)

You're making less sense with the way he's kissing you. It doesn't even really occur to you that Jessie has you submitting. His hands find their way to your hips, and he's moving you closer to him. He scrapes his teeth against your bottom lip, adding something new and exciting into the mix. One hand drifts and-

Ow!

The resonating sound of the slap to your ass is louder than the whirring of Finn's brain as he pieces things together. It doesn't help that Jessie uses your shock to give himself a line.

"Yes, Kurt, I love it rough!"

You never knew he had the ability to alter his voice. You've never been more thankful for an ability you didn't know existed until now. At the very least, no one knows you're in here with Jessie St. James. At the very worst, Finn now believes you're in here having sex with some guy from school.

(Well, that's gonna make dinner awkward.)

"Holy shit, you're not alone in there, are you? You could've told me that. That is sick, man. Wh-wait, why am I even-I- I'll see you later, Kurt."

Finn's sneakers squeak again in their rush out of the room.

You look back to Jessie, a fire ablaze within your orbs - and it has nothing to do with that kiss.

"I hate you," you hiss, "You are insufferable. I have to go to dinner with him and our parents tonight."

"Now you'll have something good to talk about," Jessie says.

It's your turn to slap, and his arm suffers the blow.

"This is not a joke!"

"Fine, I've got a way to get out of this," he says, you wait for him to continue, "Go out with me tonight."

(What. The. Fuck?)

"Are you serious right now?" you ask.

He nods.

"Are you _fucking_ serious right now?" you ask.

Again, he nods.

The strength you exert in forcing your way out of the stall should go on record. The speed you have in racing to your car beats the fastest mile time on campus. The jolt your heart does when you replay him asking you out shall never be mentioned again.

**_^Jessie St. James^Kurt Hummel^Rachel Berry_**

You thought it was bad when your entire class refused to sign your cast as a kid. You thought it was bad when Puck called you the F-word when you tried giving him CPR in seventh grade. (In my defense, he almost drowned and I was certified.) But nothing tops the rejection you're feeling right now.

Even a bone crushed Mercedes hug can't fix this pain, and she has been trying for ten minutes.

"Kurt, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on," she says. She already knows some of it. Word gets around Glee pretty easily. Everyone knows about Carol and Burt, the parental match that will bring the most flamboyant gay in all of Lima in familial alliance with the number one jock on campus. People know parts of what happened at dinner, and all of the residual conversations and stuff with Finn and the Dad Couch. No one knows that Finn is just as easy with parents as with everyone else. No one knows that Finn conspired with you to try and break them up. No one knows that Finn is ruining all of your plans with his disgusting attachment to your father.

You suppose, if anyone has to know, then it'd be Mercedes.

"I saw my dad and Finn last night," you say.

"What were they doing?"

"Bonding."

"How'd that feel?"

(Like some cute, little kid shanked me in the chest, then pulled out my vocal chords; all the while, the Cheerios recited Eclipse to Jessie and Rachel who were having crazy sex on my locker.)

"Not too good," you say.

"Want me to stay with you?" she asks.

(Yes.)

"No," you try to ignore the look of pain that crosses her face. She's always been just a little bit in love with you. You wonder if it'll ever go away.

"Okay."

"I'm just going to stay and play a bit. Clear my head. You go on, and I'll skype you tonight when I'm in a much more sociable mood," you say. You throw in a weak smile for good measure, and she nods.

"Call me if you need me, okay?"

With that, she pushes your bangs aside. It's one of the few gestures that makes the both of you feel like someone else is there. Your weak smile feels a little more real.

"I will."

And she leaves.

You sit yourself down in the seat at the piano. When did life get so complicated? What happened to the easy jokes of a few weeks ago? How could things go so quickly from tampon jokes to hours alone in the music room, sulking and wishing you knew more than just 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' on piano?

He clears his throat from the doorway. Somehow, his personality shines even in the way he releases phlegm.

"Go away," you say.

"No."

Your tears act up just at the right moments, don't they? Because you're feeling them, and he's there, and Jessie St. James is honestly the last person you want to see you crying right now.

But then, he's right in front of you. So close you're surprised his thumb isn't on your cheek wiping away the broken dreams that had yet to fall.

You breathe him in. His scent enters your nostrils and floods your veins. You want to say your blood pumps harder to expel him from your system; you know better than to lie to yourself.

"Why are you here?" you ask.

"I could ask you the same thing," he says.

"I'm the one without a secret agenda, so I believe the question is better aimed at you, sir."

"Easy on the long sentences. They'll get you crying again."

"I wasn't crying!" you insist. He chuckles in that infuriating way of his.

"Yes, you were. I don't get why Mercedes could just leave you when you're like this," he says.

"I told her to go."

"And I'm glad."

"Mercedes is my best friend," you tell him.

"I know that."

"I want her around. I love having her around."

"I know that too."

"Then why do you want her gone?" you ask.

"Because it means I get to be here, with you, alone."

This is not happening. He is not trying to put the moves on you while you're crying. Is he really that much of an ass?

"Oh God."

He laughs again, adding, "I'm not trying to seduce you. I learned from my last approach that it wasn't the best idea."

"Really? You caught _all_ that?" you mock.

"Yes, and I got a lot more."

He gives you this look, like he's begging for permission. It's completely ridiculous because he's Jessie St. James and he never begs for anything. He never wants anything enough to beg, never needs anything enough.

(Except….)

You try again. "Please, go."

"Just let me sing you a song first," he says, "One song, Kurt. I'm asking for four minutes and twenty-three seconds of your time."

Very specific. He knows what he's doing. He always knows what he's doing.

"Fine."

He lifts from his knees to his feet. After locating the CD player, he pops in a CD and looks back to you.

"Now, you're going to have to read between the lines on this one, but I have no doubt that you will be able to," he says.

You wonder for a second how easy life would be if someone could just tell you everything that you're supposed to get out of things. Why does everyone expect you to be a fucking genius? You're sixteen. When you can walk into APUSH and answer the questions without wetting yourself, then people can expect more of you. Right now, they should just find something better to do with their time.

Then the music starts playing, and you have no time to rant.

For once, a song plays that you don't know. You feel like that only adds to the moment. You don't have to worry about singing along, just listening, just feeling as Jessie sings to you and only you.

_He is running_  
_A hundred miles an hour_  
_In the wrong direction_ [Translation: You're chasing after the wrong person, Kurt.]

_He is trying_  
_But the canyon's ever widening_  
_In the depths of his cold heart_ [Translation: You're trying to piece together your life, but you only break more each and every time you do.]

_So he sets out on another_  
_Misadventure just to find_  
_He's another two years older and_  
_He's three more steps behind_ [Translation: It may seem like we're doing this whole thing over again, and maybe we are, but you aren't in that same place as before. And not in the good way. You've backtracked and I don't know how to fix that for you.]

_Does anybody hear Kurt?_ [Answer: No.]  
_Can anybody see?_ [No one is there for you.]  
_Oh, does anybody even know he's going down today?_ [You need help.]  
_Under the shadow of our steeple _[You're in this safe haven]  
_With all the lost and lonely people_ [With all the other rejects]  
_Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me?_ [And you're the only one still trying to find that place that everyone else seems to have found.]  
_Does anybody hear Kurt?_ [And nobody notices.]  
_Can anybody see?_ [But me. So, I'm watching, okay? I'm here.]

_He is yearning_  
_For shelter and affection_  
_That he never found at home_ [And there you go again, trying to create that perfect home where they'll love you.]

_He is searching_  
_For a hero to ride in_  
_To ride in and save the day_ [You're still that guy you were in eighth grade, still looking out for someone who will chase all the bad guys away.]

_And in walks his prince charming_ [I used to be that someone.]  
_And he knows just what to say_  
_Momentary lapse of reason and_ [You let me in to everything that was you.]  
_He gives himself away_ [And I ruined everything.]

_Does anybody hear Kurt?_ [But I'm here now.]  
_Can anybody see?_  
_Oh, does anybody even know he's going down today?_ [I know what you're going through. No else does]  
_Under the shadow of our steeple_ [Not in this backward hick town]  
_With all the lost and lonely people_ [Not with these closed-minded imbeciles.]  
_Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me?_ [And what we had was amazing. It was what we needed.]  
_Does anybody hear Kurt_ [Hear me. Believe me. I'm ready for you.]  
_Can anybody see?_ [I'm waiting for you to just see me now.]

_With judgment looms under every steeple_  
_With lofty glances from lofty people_  
_Can't see past his scarlet letter_ [Everyone looks at you and thinks they know you. You're gay; what else is there?]  
_And we've never even met Kurt_ [They don't have the slightest idea who you are.]

_With judgment looms under every steeple_ [And Finn? And your dad?]  
_With lofty glances from lofty people_ [They act like they get it, like they're okay with it.]  
_Can't see past his scarlet letter _[You're still the pink elephant to them.]  
_And we've never even met Kurt_ [And maybe it'll change if they see you for you.]

_Never even met Kurt_ [Because when I saw you, for who you are, I changed.]

_Does anybody hear Kurt?_ [So I'm here now.]  
_Can anybody see?_ [I don't care who knows.]  
_Oh, does anybody even know he's going down today? _[Tell Rachel, I don't care.]  
_Under the shadow of our steeple_ [Because in this place]  
_With all the lost and lonely people_ [With all of the Lima Losers]  
_Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me?_ [All that matters is finding where we want to be.]  
_Does anybody hear Kurt _[I hear you.]  
_Can anybody see? _[I see you.]

_Does anybody hear Kurt _[I know you.]  
_Can anybody see? _[I miss you.]  
_Does anybody even know he's going down today? _[And we can take this at whatever pace you want us to.]  
_Under the shadow of our steeple _[We can sneak around at night]  
_With all the lost and lonely people _[Or go for walks in the park]  
_Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me?_ [We could even go to music stores and look through old CDs.]  
_Does anybody hear Kurt?_ [I'm not kidding]  
_Can anybody see?_ [I'm really trying here.]

_He is running_  
_A hundred miles an hour_  
_In the wrong direction_ [Translation: And now the right person is chasing after you.]

With the music over, he begs you, one last time with his eyes. Then, he turns away, allowing the words to wash over you.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Thank you for reading. Please review.


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